Cultivating Empathy
Empathy enables us to deeply appreciate other people who encounter the world differently from ourselves. Unlike sympathy – which means being so affected that we get pulled into the same state – empathy allows us to help them by retaining our own resourcefulness. Put simply, with empathy, a problem shared is a problem halved. With sympathy, a problem shared is a problem doubled…
It is easy to empathise with those who see the world the same way we do. But when others see things differently, the knee-jerk reaction is to judge them as mad, or bad, or both. You do not need to look further than today’s highly charged atmosphere of political polarisation to see where this eventually leads.
The key realisation that unlocks the capacity for empathy is recognising that none of us ever sees the whole picture in any situation. In effect, all that each of us ever has is a two-dimensional perspective on a three-dimensional reality that none of us ever sees in its entirety. In other words, none of us has access to the “God’s eye” perspective.
To cultivate empathy, instead of dismissing the different perspectives of others as misinformed, mistaken, or misguided, it is wise and kind to take a step back and ask: “Why might a competent, well-intentioned person see things this way?”. Once I genuinely grasp that their perspective is just as biased, one-sided, incomplete, and as valid as my own different, biased, one-sided, incomplete perspective, it ceases to be a threat. With this understanding, their perspective enriches, as opposed to undermining, my own.
Think about a pig. A veterinarian sees it as a patient. A pig farmer sees it as money. A butcher sees it as meat. A xenotransplantation scientist sees it as a host to grow organs for life-saving transplantation into humans. An animal rights activist sees it as a sentient living being. The fundamental truth is that we do not see things as they are, we see them as we are. This is simple enough to grasp in theory, but in practice imagine how difficult it will be for the animal rights activist to empathise with the scientist. That is the deeper challenge – when our identity is too deeply invested in our perspective, we cannot separate “what we see” from “who we are”. I will be convinced that I am right and so you must be wrong.
Rajyoga strikes at the root of this misidentification by teaching us that we are not our roles. We are souls – spiritual actors playing uniquely different roles on the world stage. As Shakespeare pointed out in his play “As You Like It” (Act 2 Scene 7), “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts …”. As soul actors, we see others not just as fellow actors but as fellow members of one spiritual family. When we realise that each of our perspectives is always partial, we no longer have to impose a single, uniform 2D perspective to be united. The beauty of a bouquet of flowers is in its variety of shapes, colours, and fragrances, not in bland conformity.
Try experimenting with the above understanding as follows: explore with someone who holds a different perspective what formative life experiences and personal influences led them to see things the way they do. If you do this with curiosity whilst suspending judgement, you will discover that if you were in their shoes, the world would seem the same way to you. That experience is the ultimate key to cultivating empathy.
Geoff Marlow is an organisational consultant and Rajyoga practitioner based in Cambridge, UK.
