The Art of Calming Big Emotions

Overwhelming emotions can be likened to huge waves emerging from the ocean. They come with power, suddenly and unexpectedly. We can be ‘knocked off our feet’ because they destabilise us and we react instinctively. However, underneath the power of the wave, no matter how big, are underlying currents. These currents are deeper and they trigger the huge waves. These currents are our patterns of thinking, our personality traits (‘sanskars’), based on our past experiences. There are also slower tides moving; feelings that are softer, but they also feed emotions. They last longer, like tiredness, fatigue, stress – and they accumulate and feed into the underlying triggers. There is an art to calming these big emotions.

A – awareness – notice the emotion
R – reflection – understand what triggered that emotion
T – transformation – change the energy

Awareness:
The art is to notice the emotion without judgement or feeling the need to fix it. Create a space between the self and the emotion. It is not easy to do but the powers of realisation and discernment help us to pay attention to what is going on and see clearly. We do not need to judge, react, or expand. They say that these kinds of emotions take 90 seconds to play out. The wave rises, peaks, and then begins to fall. If I can manage those 90 seconds then I will not expand or get caught in the wave. For example, we can:

a) Place a hand on the heart and breathe deeply, or …
b) Visualise the emotion flowing away, or …
c) Box breathe – in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, breathe out for four seconds, and hold for four seconds

The point is not to react or give energy to the wave.

Reflection

If I am able to create this space between the emotion and the self, I can see that the emotion is not me, it is coming from outside. The world is full of triggers; within the family, the local community, the world news. However, it is not the event or the person that is causing the wave, it is the meaning I give to them. We cannot blame what happened, but must ask the self, ‘What meaning did I give to this?’. All of this is dependent on my upbringing, the culture I grew up in, the habits I have formed. When I understand that I am separate from the emotion, I can do something about it. Having reduced the fever and made a diagnosis, we can begin to heal.

Transformation (Healing)

For transformation, we take three smaller steps:

a) Change perspective. Look at life as a theatre; we are all actors playing our parts. Or, life is a school – I am here to learn, and these situations and people are offering opportunities to learn patience, respect, or how to become free from desires.

b) Go deeper within the self to the inner being. This is what we do in meditation. We finally reach the deep, silent place within; it is untouched by the waves and currents on the surface. A pure space of the light within. I am this light and I am inextinguishable. In this space we can transform energy that was used in a wrong way into something beneficial, and can help others to reach that space too.

c) To stay in this space all the time is not easy. We need help from the One who is eternally stable and powerfully benevolent. When I stay in the awareness of being the light within, it makes it easy to connect with the Divine who is full of all powers, full of love – and this begins to heal the hurt and erase all the thinking patterns I have created that trigger the strong emotions. It purifies me, and allows me to rediscover my own peace, love, power, wisdom, and happiness. The light of the Divine shines on me and transformation happens.

It all starts with awareness – the realisation that I am not the emotion. With understanding, I can change perspective, return to the true self, and connect to the Source for stability in any situation.

Aneta Loj, based in Poland, serves as the Director of the Brahma Kumaris in Poland and is an active member of the Brahma Kumaris Environment Initiative.